Barack Hussein Obama has just appointed Monica Lewinsky to be Secretary of Blowjobs. She will mostly service Hillary Clinton.
Are you feeling the crunch of the crippling economy? Well, are you? Because American CEOs everywhere are. They are BEGGING for money. In fact, if the $700 billion wasn't enough, now it's looking like $7 TRILLION.
A whole bunch of CEOs decided to steal all the money, so their companies had to lay you off, and at the same time, those companies stopped advertising all the shitty products that they made. So on Thursday, you and your family are going to eat canned turkey for Thanksgiving. And then you aren't going to go shopping on Black Friday. And then on Monday the CEOs will whine about how you, yes you, are to blame for the low sales. And they are going to be forced to beg again. That's right; Congress hasn't bailed out the retail industry yet.
So this weekend, you must outspend the shit out of everybody you know. You must do it for yourself. You must do it for your country. And above all else, you must do it for some fat CEO. The man's got dignity. Don't make him come down to your level and have to beg.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Monday, November 24, 2008
Bastards Sue McDonalds
Some bastard and his wife are suing McDonalds because - get this - naked pictures of them ended up on the Internet!
The idiot and his wife took pictures of each other on their cell phone. And then they forgot it at McDonalds. So now it's McDonalds problem. Idiots.
It seems like you can get money from McDonalds for anything. I'm going over there right now to choke on a napkin.
I have to tell you that this is all Barack Hussein Obama's fault. He holds the kind of bullshit attitude that you should get everything handed to you and that somebody else is to blame for everything - even your own stupidity. And he's a lawyer.
The idiot and his wife took pictures of each other on their cell phone. And then they forgot it at McDonalds. So now it's McDonalds problem. Idiots.
It seems like you can get money from McDonalds for anything. I'm going over there right now to choke on a napkin.
I have to tell you that this is all Barack Hussein Obama's fault. He holds the kind of bullshit attitude that you should get everything handed to you and that somebody else is to blame for everything - even your own stupidity. And he's a lawyer.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Whatever Losers
Kenny Short said "Obama will destroy this country. He will change this and that and because of that all the small business will be destroyed. The recent presidential election shows what I have thought to be true for along time, there are a lot of stupid people out there."
I agree. Bush made all of the big businesses like GM, United Airlines, and Dell into small businesses. They're all losing money. And they're all laying off 95% of their employees. So Barack Obama (notice that I didn't use his degrading middle name, Hussein) might as well finish the job.
And yes, who thought that Barack Obama would get elected? I mean, all he did was smooth talk his hope and light and vision into the hearts of every single American, and then promise to solve all of their problems. There's just one problem: he doesn't even know what the hell he's talking about. The system is a failure, and you can't dismantle the system. And even if you could, you don't have the money.
America tried to prove itself unracist (if such a word even exists), by electing Barack Obama, a (half) black man, and a muslim. Hell, for all you haters out there, Barack HUSSEIN Obama is more muslim than black! He's only half black, if even that much. But all of you decided to prove to yourselves that you aren't racist. So you voted for the idiot.
Really though, this election was screwed from the get-go. Once they got rid of Hillary, there were no good candidates left. You had Obama. You had $400-haircut Edwards. You had senile, shit-his-pants John McCain. You had 14-wife-having Mormon Mitt Romney. And you had fanatical Christian screwed-up-name Huckabee. All of them were going to do a shitty job.
Let me tell you something. Obama plans to tax the living hell out of rich people. John McCain keeps saying that rich people need less taxes so that they can invest money into jobs. But the real reason that John McCain doesn't want to tax the rich is because they make a shit load of money and don't pay any taxes anyways. This is something that you can only learn with experience. So under an Obama administration, the middle-class will pay less taxes, and the rich will pay no taxes. But they'll be so offended that Obama tried to tax them that they'll move their money to China or Iran. And then Obama will try dismantle the entire US for-profit healthcare system in order to give everybody free healthcare even though he has no money because he hasn't collected a dime in taxes.
I agree. Bush made all of the big businesses like GM, United Airlines, and Dell into small businesses. They're all losing money. And they're all laying off 95% of their employees. So Barack Obama (notice that I didn't use his degrading middle name, Hussein) might as well finish the job.
And yes, who thought that Barack Obama would get elected? I mean, all he did was smooth talk his hope and light and vision into the hearts of every single American, and then promise to solve all of their problems. There's just one problem: he doesn't even know what the hell he's talking about. The system is a failure, and you can't dismantle the system. And even if you could, you don't have the money.
America tried to prove itself unracist (if such a word even exists), by electing Barack Obama, a (half) black man, and a muslim. Hell, for all you haters out there, Barack HUSSEIN Obama is more muslim than black! He's only half black, if even that much. But all of you decided to prove to yourselves that you aren't racist. So you voted for the idiot.
Really though, this election was screwed from the get-go. Once they got rid of Hillary, there were no good candidates left. You had Obama. You had $400-haircut Edwards. You had senile, shit-his-pants John McCain. You had 14-wife-having Mormon Mitt Romney. And you had fanatical Christian screwed-up-name Huckabee. All of them were going to do a shitty job.
Let me tell you something. Obama plans to tax the living hell out of rich people. John McCain keeps saying that rich people need less taxes so that they can invest money into jobs. But the real reason that John McCain doesn't want to tax the rich is because they make a shit load of money and don't pay any taxes anyways. This is something that you can only learn with experience. So under an Obama administration, the middle-class will pay less taxes, and the rich will pay no taxes. But they'll be so offended that Obama tried to tax them that they'll move their money to China or Iran. And then Obama will try dismantle the entire US for-profit healthcare system in order to give everybody free healthcare even though he has no money because he hasn't collected a dime in taxes.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
He's Not President Yet
Before I start, I want to tell all of you haters to go to hell. This is my blog and I can post whatever the hell I want. And also, I'm not Australian. I don't have an Australian sense of humor. I don't ride around in a kangaroo. I don't know what the hell a dingo is. And I don't talk like a freak.
He's not even the freaking president yet, and already, Barack Hussein Obama is changing shit everywhere. For instance, today he posted his weekly radio address on YouTube. Now we can add "post this to 6 videos within the next day or your mother will die" to his weekly radio address. Oops, his mother is dead. I guess that shit works.
And today he appointed some black guy to serve as attorney general. Who is he? I don't know anything about him, except for the following three facts:
-he's black
-he's a lawyer
-he's a black lawyer
So he fits all of the criteria to be a Barack Hussein Obama. If that's not dirty scum, I don't know what the hell is.
Oh, wait, I found some more dirt. It turns out that he's not a Barack Hussein Obama. But he was the lawyer for Chiquita. And he tried to get them out of trouble from when they paid Colombian terrorists protection money so that they could pick their bananas in peace. And he didn't do a very good job either; Chiquita had to pay $25 million and civil suits (which could spell the end of the company) are still pending.
But onto serious issues. The President would like to tell you that the economy is the greatest thing ever and it made America the greatest power ever because it brought us the Internets and the iPod. It's the powerhouse that lets a husband and wife to start their own business or an immigrant to open a new restaurant. It also allows a 20-something derivatives trader to make a $30 million commission pushing imaginary money from one unregulated house-of-cards to another in the process of bankrupting millions of people who actually work for a living.
He's not even the freaking president yet, and already, Barack Hussein Obama is changing shit everywhere. For instance, today he posted his weekly radio address on YouTube. Now we can add "post this to 6 videos within the next day or your mother will die" to his weekly radio address. Oops, his mother is dead. I guess that shit works.
And today he appointed some black guy to serve as attorney general. Who is he? I don't know anything about him, except for the following three facts:
-he's black
-he's a lawyer
-he's a black lawyer
So he fits all of the criteria to be a Barack Hussein Obama. If that's not dirty scum, I don't know what the hell is.
Oh, wait, I found some more dirt. It turns out that he's not a Barack Hussein Obama. But he was the lawyer for Chiquita. And he tried to get them out of trouble from when they paid Colombian terrorists protection money so that they could pick their bananas in peace. And he didn't do a very good job either; Chiquita had to pay $25 million and civil suits (which could spell the end of the company) are still pending.
But onto serious issues. The President would like to tell you that the economy is the greatest thing ever and it made America the greatest power ever because it brought us the Internets and the iPod. It's the powerhouse that lets a husband and wife to start their own business or an immigrant to open a new restaurant. It also allows a 20-something derivatives trader to make a $30 million commission pushing imaginary money from one unregulated house-of-cards to another in the process of bankrupting millions of people who actually work for a living.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Happy Birthday
Contrary to all of the crap and bullshit that I've said, here are some actual quotes from Barack Hussein Obama:
"I got my middle name from somebody who obviously didn't think I'd ever run for President."
"I share the politics of Alfred E. Smith and the ears of Alfred E. Neumann."
"Can somebody tell me what happened to the Greek Columns that I requested?"
"Contrary to the rumors you have heard, I was not born in a manger. I was actually born on Krypton and sent here by my father Jorel to save the Planet Earth."
"Many of you know that I got my name, Barack, from my father. What you may not know is Barack is actually Swahili for 'that one'."
"Greatest weakness, it's possible that I'm a little too awesome. "
"First of all, my middle name is not what you think. It's actually Steve. That's right. Barack Steve Obama. "
Let it be known that this blog has heard everything that Barack Hussein Obama has said and that it will hold him accountable throughout his four year term (assuming he even makes it to the end!). Nothing, not his race, nor his religion, nor the color of his skin, nor his continued association with America-haters, will be off limits. This blog is not afraid of you and it is not afraid of public opinion.
On an unrelated note, I would like to wish Prince Charles a happy 60th birthday (hence the title of this post). I swear, he doesn't look a day over 100.
I sincerely hope that he becomes Queen, because that would mean that Queen Elizabeth is dead.
"I got my middle name from somebody who obviously didn't think I'd ever run for President."
"I share the politics of Alfred E. Smith and the ears of Alfred E. Neumann."
"Can somebody tell me what happened to the Greek Columns that I requested?"
"Contrary to the rumors you have heard, I was not born in a manger. I was actually born on Krypton and sent here by my father Jorel to save the Planet Earth."
"Many of you know that I got my name, Barack, from my father. What you may not know is Barack is actually Swahili for 'that one'."
"Greatest weakness, it's possible that I'm a little too awesome. "
"First of all, my middle name is not what you think. It's actually Steve. That's right. Barack Steve Obama. "
Let it be known that this blog has heard everything that Barack Hussein Obama has said and that it will hold him accountable throughout his four year term (assuming he even makes it to the end!). Nothing, not his race, nor his religion, nor the color of his skin, nor his continued association with America-haters, will be off limits. This blog is not afraid of you and it is not afraid of public opinion.
On an unrelated note, I would like to wish Prince Charles a happy 60th birthday (hence the title of this post). I swear, he doesn't look a day over 100.
I sincerely hope that he becomes Queen, because that would mean that Queen Elizabeth is dead.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
"President" Obama
Well, he may have won the election, but Obama still has to survive until inauguration day. So you will all shut up until then.
By the way, I don't know why you sheep are all so proud of a black president. I mean, Zimbabwe, Ethiopia, Somalia, and Kenya all have black presidents. It's no big deal to them!
Seriously though, it will only be a short while until he manages to screw everything up beyond belief. He will tax the shit out of the rich, the semi-rich, the people who pretend to be rich, the middle-class, and the wiggers. They will take their money elsewhere. And nobody will let him dismantle the corrupt, poor-people-eating system we are proud to call capitalism. His own party will eat him alive within two years, and all of you voters will get nothing.
Now maybe you will insist that he is better than Sarah Palin.
Journalists are now reporting that she threw temper-tantrums each morning after reading press clippings.
And she thought that Africa was a country.
And she didn't know how the government worked.
But now she has been tagged and released back into Alaska. Some of you thought that she would get a book-deal out of this (she can't read), while others believe that she will get a talk-show (she can't talk either!). But based on the size of offspring, I know one thing that she must be good at. Sarah Palin has been offered $2 million to star in a porn movie. And if her loser husband co-stars, they will give him a snow mobile!
By the way, I don't know why you sheep are all so proud of a black president. I mean, Zimbabwe, Ethiopia, Somalia, and Kenya all have black presidents. It's no big deal to them!
Seriously though, it will only be a short while until he manages to screw everything up beyond belief. He will tax the shit out of the rich, the semi-rich, the people who pretend to be rich, the middle-class, and the wiggers. They will take their money elsewhere. And nobody will let him dismantle the corrupt, poor-people-eating system we are proud to call capitalism. His own party will eat him alive within two years, and all of you voters will get nothing.
Now maybe you will insist that he is better than Sarah Palin.
Journalists are now reporting that she threw temper-tantrums each morning after reading press clippings.
And she thought that Africa was a country.
And she didn't know how the government worked.
But now she has been tagged and released back into Alaska. Some of you thought that she would get a book-deal out of this (she can't read), while others believe that she will get a talk-show (she can't talk either!). But based on the size of offspring, I know one thing that she must be good at. Sarah Palin has been offered $2 million to star in a porn movie. And if her loser husband co-stars, they will give him a snow mobile!
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